My political manicfesto for Stoke-on-Trent
I am a single issue politician,and have had a
long-standing campaign for the abolition of gravity.
I am keen to put Stoke-on-Trent on the political
map moving the British Parliament to the new Stoke
City FC Stadium.
- Make fishing a spectator sport by introducing
piranha to the Trent
- Stoke-on-Trent Civic Centre will be developed
into an intergalactic space port.
- I will promote Pottermus Hippo to leader of
Stoke City Council.
- All European trains in the future must be
fuelled by Gravy.
- The Loony Party will issue 'looncoin' a crypto
currency based on 'bitcoin' but backed by the
little gold we have left as a reserve currency
in case the £10,000,000,000,000 QE doesn't
- The Conservative Party should be formally
issued 'Get out of Jail' cards for their bankers
and Company Executive Officers. We are a Britain
living within its means.
- The Loony Party will employ a retiring criminal
Judge as CEO of the Financial Conduct Authority,
hire a leading criminal barrister as the head
of enforcement, and bring in some decent former
fraud detectives, to prosecute bank executives.
- Anybody attending an A&E department more
than three times a year will be directed to
medical wards for Mercury potions, Electrolysis,
Leeching and Lobotomy. The Loonys will balance
- The Loony Party will reduce the voting age
to 16 and all those under 35yrs will be required
to vote by law. Failure to conform will result
in denial of all social media and mobile technology.
My reasons for being in the Loony Party
Screaming Lord Sutch and The Official Monster
Raving Loony Party were always in the news when
I was at school and I was inspired to join after
speaking on the phone to Alan 'Howling Laud' Hope
Since 1997 I have stood in numerous parliamentary
elections campaigning as a Loony Party Shadow
Minister for the 'abolition of gravity'.
I was injured in a paragliding accident caused
by gravity and have had a vendetta against it
Abolition of Gravity
Language and human thought are not suited for
the subject of gravity. In practical terms I believe
that the best place to find its effect abolished
is in the centre of the largest inert planet in
our solar system. This floating place is also,
maybe, the best place to open doors and do a bit
of space hopping. A good first experiment would
be to tunnel into the centre of the moon, please
contact me if you are willing to finance this
As I appear to be the first to recognise the
gravitationally free nature of the centre of planets
and the possible implications in interdimensional
(space) travel I feel I am entitled to name this
space 'Delves' (or Delvsinian Space).
Treasurer of the Loony Party
In the last few years I have been sucked into
the inner machinery of the Loony Party and am
the main representative to the UK Electoral Commission
and Loony Party Treasurer.
I hope you enjoy this Loony part of my website
which my wife Lizzie tells me is an excersise
in Narcissism as in "have you been narcississing
Lizzie is in the red dress and wig in the '2010
Derbyshire Dales General Election' photo.
|1997 West Derbyshire General
||2001 West Derbyshire General
|2005 Derbyshire Dales General
||2008 Crewe & Nantwich By-Election
|2010 Derbyshire Dales General
||2011 Oldham & Saddleworth